so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
