It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
