I'm so fucking centered right now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
