I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
