Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
