??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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