There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
