true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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