your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
