Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
