dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The power of my boobs compel you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
