Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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