well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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