So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
