1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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