there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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