I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
