I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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