I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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