If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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