after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
