In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
