Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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