just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize