made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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