please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
