i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
