Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
