I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
