I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
