I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
