okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
