you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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