I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
