Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
