Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
