I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
