he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
