Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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