i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
