the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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