i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
