I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
