I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
