How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
In America we eat man semen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
