i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
