that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
