I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
