mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
