I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
