Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
