Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
