We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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