youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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