When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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