Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
