She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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