nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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