i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
