your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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