party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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