My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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