Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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