I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
