Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
