she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was CRYING into my vagina
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
