My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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