Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i drank out of a bidet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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