So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
