Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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