I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
