i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
