I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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