Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We need to rekindle our bromance
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
