I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
