people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
