Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
