Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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