I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
