I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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