Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
